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Terrible conversation with my advisor yesterday. "Everything is…

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Terrible conversation with my advisor yesterday. "Everything is anger, sadness, fear, or happiness," she said, irritating me terribly. Fine, if that's the case, I feel constantly angry and sad at the state of the world in general and my own in particular, and afraid that isn't going to change, given what I've seen in the past. Happiness doesn't enter the equation. If it was relevant... No, it's not relevant.

I miss people. It leaves a gaping hole in my heart that took me years to build and years to undo. But I don't see any alternatives and I'm not motivated to pursue them.

This isn't how I want the story to end. But I've always felt that it would end like this. More beginnings, more endings, but I'm sick of playing the games and sick of being told that things will be great in a month, a year, a decade. I'm tired of waiting.

I should cut my own thread short here. There's little more that I want to tell. But I won't do it. Instead I'll just keep waiting.

I've got nothing better to do.
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